I’d like to live in a Matriarchal Utopia. I think it’d be nicer than where we live now. If you’d like to live there too, then I made this blog especially for you.

What’s the Matriarchal Utopia all about then?

We are not anti-men. IMHO, feminists aren’t the people who are anti-men, non-feminists are. I’m happy to pay for my own drinks and carry my own suitcase. Non-feminist women are the ones who think men should pay for things, sort out the car insurance and they’ll get rewarded with sex. If I have sex with a man it’s because I want to, not cos I’m trying to get him to do something for me. I try to treat men as fellow grown ups, not manipulate them like toddlers.

The Matriarchal Utopia is not about replacing ‘men on top’ with ‘women on top’. If you’ll forgive me, that’s a very patriarchal mindset to think anyone has to be on top.

I think the patriarchy is bad for everyone as we are all given such narrow gender roles to play, and I think people vary more than that. Some women want to watch football or mess around with car engines. Some men like clothes or talking about their feelings. Without wanting to sound like a motivational poster, I think we should all be allowed to be who we want to be. Not brainwashed by culture into thinking we have to fit a certain mould just because of what shaped genitals we have.

I think (based partly on the marvellous work of Deborah Tannen) that men think in more hierarchical terms than women – someone has to be one up, and someone else has to be one down. Women are more focussed on networks and relationships. i.e. the way you ‘win’ as a man is by beating people, the way you ‘win’ as a woman is by having more allies.

It seems to me that an awful lot of what is wrong with the world stems from this hierarchical mindset. And that a more connections and co-operation-based mindset would be a hell of a lot better as a basis for a world that didn’t suck.

And you know what, we’ve been trying it the other way for quite a while now, and see where that has got us? Let’s just give it a shot, eh? What have we got to lose?



  • Kate Whittle  On December 6, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Yes I’d like to live there! & totally agree about the great work Deborah Tannen has done. I want to email you with some thoughts about the conflict2cooperation ‘sort of’ workshop we held last night – do you have an email address? Kate

  • ?  On May 16, 2012 at 4:56 am

    Out of curiosity, why choose the name matriarchal utopia if, for you, it’s not about replacing ‘men on top’ with ‘women on top’? It seems an odd choice.

    • matriarchalutopia  On May 21, 2012 at 12:59 pm

      All I can say is, it doesn’t seem an odd choice to me. Patriarchy isn’t actually about ‘men on top’, that’s one of its propaganda spins. Patriarchy is about strict hierarchies, with a *very few* men on top. Everyone else is NOT on top, knowing their place.
      The matriarchal utopia is the opposite. As hierarchy-less as possible.

  • Derek Banks  On May 21, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    you do know matriarchy is not as alien as you may think. In fact several of these societies exsisted but eventually were run into the ground by their leadership.

    • matriarchalutopia  On May 24, 2012 at 12:39 pm

      I don’t think it’s alien at all. I think it’s entirely natural and human to live in a social community that values the community and the common good. Unfortunately at the moment we live in a world where the (also natural) impulses of greed and ambition have been allowed to win out over the common good to a damaging extent.

      I’m interested in what you say about matriarchal societies being trashed by their leaders. Can you point me to any evidence of that? As far as I have read, there have indeed been several matriarchal societies in the past, and they have been destroyed by aggression from other (patriarchal) societies.

      There are existing matriarchal or partially matriarchal societies, like the Mosuo in Southern China. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mosuo

      When we hear the word ‘matriarchy’, we are conditioned to a number of responses: that matriarchy refers to the past and that matriarchies have never existed; that matriarchy is a hopeless fantasy of female domination, of mothers dominating children, of women being cruel to men. Conditioning us negatively to matriarchy is, of course, in the interests of patriarchs. We are made to feel that patriarchy is natural; we are less likely to question it, and less likely to direct our energies to ending it.”

      Barbara Love and Elizabeth Shanklin in “The Answer is Matriarchy”

      • Derek Banks  On May 24, 2012 at 3:04 pm

        Matriarchy laws, include guilty till proven innocent and fathers are needed only for procreation. The Patriarchy is Innocent till proven guilty, and with help from the MRM fathers may finally gain some rights.

      • Derek Banks  On May 24, 2012 at 4:16 pm

        Egypt under cleopatra’s rule, she started a war with Rome and lost. I’m not even going to go into the horrific things Queen Marry and her sister did to not only their people but to the world.

      • matriarchalutopia  On May 24, 2012 at 7:22 pm

        If you think Egypt under Cleopatra was a Matriarchy, you need to look the word up again.

  • Lilian  On December 5, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    I hope there will be a space for me in this new land. Sounds great!

  • thelundians  On April 5, 2013 at 10:04 am

    Hello there!

    We have nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. It’s a great way of sharing inspiring blogs with people around the world, so we hope you are ok with it.

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    Hope you are well and let us know if you prefer not to be on our list.


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