Which is more dangerous, guns or vibrators?

Someone told me a bizarre thing today. They said there are states in the US where the sale of vibrators is banned. Yes, America, you remember, the big country over there, where they passionately believe in their constitutional right to buy automatic weapons.

I don’t even need to write anything, do I? You can all compose your own rants about how twisted it is to ban devices for sexual pleasure but not ones that kill people.

Of course, being a sceptical type, I couldn’t quite believe this was true, so I checked. In fact, there used to be several states where vibrators were banned – Texas, Kansas, all the fun ones – but some high up court overturned that (I’m hazy on the workings of the US legal system). Now the only one left is Alabama. The sale of vibrators is banned in Alabama. Although you can buy one if you get a note from your doctor. What a fun consultation that would be!

To be honest, my US geography is only slightly less hazy than my grasp of their legal system, but I’ve always had Alabama down as one of the redneck, racist states. This new information has done nothing to change my mind on that.

Quite what they have in the deep south against woman reaching orgasm, I don’t know. Maybe it’s unladylike? But apparently MEN in Alabama DO have the constitutional right to an orgasm. As well as the right to buy huge automatic weapons and shoot armour piercing bullets out of them. All the essentials of a civilised, humane society, y’know.

I guess the men of Alabama have a strange and fragile sense of their masculinity, which must be bolstered at all costs. Caressing large lethal weapons makes them feel manly. Their girlfriends having a wank makes them feel threatened. I know it sounds stupid, I don’t make the rules, alright? In the Matriarchal Utopia things will all be different.

But back in the sad and joyless present day, Alabama also has one of the highest divorce rates in the US, one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates, and is amongst the unhappiest states.

Call me crazy, but I think unbanning vibrators could probably help with all three of those issues…

PS, thanks to @marstrina and @johnb78 for the discussion which prompted me to write this.

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