They stole our midwinter festival. We’re stealing it back.
So this time of year you start to get all these bullshit tabloid stories about ‘them’ banning Christmas in favour of Winterval. As we know, they are based on total lies and paranoia-promoting hysteria. Such is the tabloid way…
There even exists offensive, witless crap like this film trailer all about how the atheists stole Christmas.
Apparently Christ is the reason for the season. How stupid are these fucktards?
Do they really think Jesus’ Birthday just happened to be right next to the winter solstice, and on the same day as Mithra’s birthday? Just happened to be at exactly the same time as a pagan feast, celebrated for centuries by the very people the early church was trying to convert? And that Middle Eastern baby Jesus just happened to love a load of clearly pagan Northern European stuff like holly and mistletoe and fir trees?
Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw, wouldn’t that be a load of crazy coincidences?
Or maybe, just maybe, the Christians stole Christmas off someone else, who had it first?
So I started thinking, what would Winterval be like? Maybe kind of pagan, and raunchy, all blazing fires and hedonism.
I started thinking I’d quite like to have the Winterval I imagined, instead of our anaemic, marketing-opportunity, 27-shopping-days-to-go, matching napkins with holly on, Songs of Praise, central-heating Christmas for sanctimonious poker-arses.
I started thinking, wouldn’t it be nice if there was a big Winterval lobby and we could all choose to celebrate that instead? I mean, let’s compare and contrast:-
- The Queen’s speech
- Family arguments
- Endless adverts for perfume and compilation albums
- Fire processions
- Jugs of mead, and possibly shamanic hallucinogens
- Drinking songs (social singing is good for you, listening to ‘Now that’s what I call rock ballads 23’ pre-packaged pap is not).
I think we can clearly see that Winterval would be a lot more fun. Plus the Daily Mail hate the idea, so it must be good. So what are we waiting for? Let’s get to the Winterval preparations now!